


My Tutor

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-07-25
Updated: 2005-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-27 05:07:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12074109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Justin's assigned a tutor to help him with his homework. As time passes this causes tension between the two.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Author's Note: Thanks Juliet, your the best. Brian does'nt appear in this chapter, so dont freak out.

* * *

The evening sky seemed to have grown heavy with the drenching form the torrential rain. 

 

I look out the window under the colourless, unvarying and silent rule of the clouds. 

 

There’s really nothing much for me to do, my parents are out to dinner, they try every pathetic attempt they can to save their marriage, but I know just as much as they do that there is no turning back. The façade they paint is nothing more than a pathetic attempt to deceive others around them. I make my way to my desk and pull out my sketchbook; I turn the pages one by one looking at the work in front of me. 

 

These are all images of boys. Boys my age, some are even of men. I keep this book hidden under all the clutter, these images are provocative, and at times even I’m surprised at how my brain allows me to draw such things. Even when I deny the fact that I’m remotely interested in men. I know I am not gay; I’m just impressed by the male form, it’s a thing of beauty and it should be captured. I am an artist, and these are my works of art, they offer no other function for me. If my parents were ever to find them, I would be in deep trouble. I could try to explain it to them, but they never pay attention to a word I say. 

 

My parents are strict Christians; they don’t believe in homosexuality. I have learned to accept it because my own best friend is one. My parents don’t know that he’s gay, and if they found out, I wouldn’t be allowed to hang out with him. Casey is one of the most openly gay people I know, hell, he’s the only gay person I know. I don’t exactly remember how we became friends, but I knew I liked him the minute I spoke to him. 

 

He told me he was gay a few months after we met. At first I didn’t know how to react to it. I had never met anyone gay before but somehow he drew me to him. He can do that to anyone, everyone loves him, if not for his charisma, then for his money. Casey’s parents are extremely rich; his house is several times bigger than mine. Despite all the wealth, he never makes me feel like I am missing anything. Sure he flaunts it every chance he gets, but when he’s around me, he’s like a completely different person. 

 

I stare at the clock on the wall, it’s ticking silently, and the larger hand rests on 8. I look outside, it has stopped raining but the clouds continue to threaten. At this odd time when it was uncomfortable to stay indoors because of the imminent rain, and there was no relief outside. I ring Casey asking him if I could come over. 

 

Casey is tall for his age, nearly 6 feet tall, broad boned. His voice is deep and rough enough to startle if heard suddenly. The structure of his face is perfectly large and firm. 

 

When he stands beside me I look like a child. The bones of his jaws and chin are well defined and masculine. His eyes are opaque, shades of grey and green, they remind me of sea glass. He is undoubtedly attractive; he could be conspicuous in any company. 

 

I finally arrive at his house. I ring the bell and the large metal doors automatically open by themselves. I run up to his bedroom, I’ve been in this place so many times, that it feels like a second home to me. I know every inch and corner of the house. His parents are good to him, they know of his homosexuality, yet they treat him lovingly. Even though they are never at home, they always call to inquire about him. 

 

He feels lonely at times, and I would to, having to live in this massive place all by himself. There are plenty of servants around, but they are never good for conversations. This is why he always wants me around. He will call me on my cell at midnight, asking if I can sleep over at his place. I’ve done that a few times, but it’s hard sneaking back in the early hours of the morning without my parents finding out. 

 

I open the door to his bedroom and see his large form laying back again the bed; he’s playing videogames. This is what we spend most of our time doing. I pick up the other controller and start playing. 

 

Casey stops and looks sharply at me for some time. The he puts down his controller, leans back on the bed and says, “Why don’t you just admit it?” 

 

“Admit what?” I ask, I know what he means. He’s asked me a million times, and I give him the same answer. 

 

“Just admit you like guys.” 

 

“I don’t like guys.” 

 

“Then why do you like it when I kiss you?” 

 

“I never said I liked it, I just let it happen cause it relieves some tension from my crazy life at home.” 

 

“Sure, keep telling yourself that.” 

 

“It’s true Case, there’s nothing sexual there, you’re just being deliberately difficult.” 

 

“Come here,” he says, he’s motioning for me to come to the bed. 

 

I get up and make my way to him, I climb up and feel the bed sink on one side, I know what kinds games he’s playing, so I play along. 

 

He brings his hand to the back of my neck and draws me to him, I don’t hesitate, and I know where this is going. He’s trying to get me to say I like to kiss him. I don’t like it the way he thinks I do, it’s just a good form of stress reliever. That’s all it is. 

 

He brings his lips to mine, and starts kissing me; my eyes are open, I’m looking at him. His eyes are closed. He starts slowly, then with more pressure. His tongue is in my mouth; he’s never done that before. 

 

I am stunned at first, then I regain my senses and push him off me. 

 

“What the hell are you doing?” 

 

“I’m just trying to prove a point, look down, you have a massive boner.” 

 

“I do not,” I say, but look down anyways, and sure enough, I am hard, but I don’t admit it. 

 

“You’re sick Casey.” 

 

“I’m just a young guy with an impulse, and I’m trying to fill your brains with some sense, you should be doing the same.” 

 

“The impulse which makes your mind hover around these men is just pathetic.” 

 

“This impulse is called desire… a desire to fuck.” 

 

“You have it, just the same as I do, only you don’t act on it.” 

 

“Jus, if you’re not into guys as you keep telling yourself, then why don’t you go and get yourself a girl?” 

 

“I don’t have the time.” 

 

“Riiiiight, tell your dick that when it starts shrivelling up.” 

 

We continue to play for a while, he’s winning, he always wins everything he starts. 

 

“I broke Mrs. James window again,” he tells me. 

 

“She’s going to complain to your dad again.” I smirk at him, knowing he’s going to come up with some smart remark. 

 

“I’ll pay the old broad some money to shut her up.” 

 

“You did that the last time Casey, and the time before that. Money can’t solve everything you know, maybe you should try apologising.” I tell him 

 

“Fuck no, I’m not some pussy, and your wrong, money has solved a lot for me.” He gets off the bed and stretches, his shirt lifts up and his perfect abs are exposed. It would take me my entire life to get a body like his. I envy these little things about him. 

 

I sigh knowing there is no way to reach him, he’s as stubborn as anyone I’ve ever known. A statement of view is one thing when applied to a person; it does not have the same certainty for Casey, because he is largely influenced by the dictates of his own mind. No mater how loudly he may support an idea in the course of a conversation. In practice, he would never put anyone else’s idea higher than his own. Unless of course it were me, but even then it’s hard to get him to see things my way. 

 

After a while Casey says eagerly, “You know you’ve been housing a lot of anxiety within you, maybe you should come out with me tonight. Don’t worry I’m not going to take you to some gay bar, I’m just going to a diner to eat. I went there last week and I have to say they have one of the best burgers ever. If you try to avoid the snazzy décor, and the waitress and the surroundings, I assure you the best time.” 

 

“So what do ya say?” 

 

“Fine.” I reply, there’s nothing waiting for me at home. 

 

He grabs his keys, leaves a message on the answering machine, he changes it everyday, it’s like a game to him. He takes one of the many cars in the garage and we drive off….


	2. My Tutor

Thanks Juliet, you da bomb..lol... If you any of you guys like Sean Paul's music this is the song i used. Lyrics by: Sean Paul (I’m still in love with you)

* * *

I sit back against the seat, trying to stop my head from pounding. Casey has some Dance Hall track playing at high volume, you can literally feel the entire car vibrate. I try to change the station, but he slaps my hand away. His choice in music varies drastically. One week it’s rock the next it’s pop. He’s never focused on any one thing at any one time, and it drives me crazy. His interest with hip-hop this week is having a seriously bitter effect on me. I don’t personally hate the music, but right now it’s just bothering me. I tilt my head looking at him; he has a cigarette in his mouth, inhaling the smoke and exhaling perfect circles into the air. 

 

“Could you change the fucking station, we’ve been listening to this all week.” I say this with desperation in my voice. 

 

“So.” 

 

“Well I can’t stand it.” I whine. 

 

“What’s wrong with it?” he asks. 

 

“Nothing, I never said anything was wrong with it, I’m just tired of listening to it. PLEASE change it.” 

 

“ Fine, but first you have to sing a few lines.” 

 

“What!! No way, I don’t know the lyrics.” 

 

“ Well, just repeat after me.” he is a little too eager to get me to sing; the fucker loves embarrassing me. 

 

_“ A true me give her tug love and say bye bye bye._

_Me turn around she ask the question why why why._

_When me leaving me see gal all cry cry cry._

_And it hurts my heart to tell a lie lie lie, so don’t cry no more._

_Baby girl for sure.. Just remember the good times we had before.”_

 

“I can’t sing that.” 

 

“Come on just try.” 

 

“Case why are you embarrassing me?” 

 

“I’m not embarrassing you, it’s just you and me in this car. No one’s gonna hear it, but me.” 

 

“Promise you won’t laugh.” 

 

“Promise,” he said, and he had better hold to his word or I’m gonna make him pay. 

 

_“A true me give her true love and say bye bye bye.._ Fuck!! I can’t do this. This is ridiculous.” 

 

I look over at him, and am anything but surprised to see him laughing so hard that his entire face is red. 

 

“I knew it, did it amuse you. Well, I hope you’re happy, cause it will never happen again.” I’m fuming with embarrassment 

 

“That was priceless. Ow, my stomach’s hurting, you’re killing me, I can’t stop laughing.” 

 

“Now turn it off,” I yell. 

 

“Go right ahead, you made my day.” 

 

“So this place you’re taking me too, how often have you been here?” 

 

“This is my second time,” he said. 

 

He makes a turn onto a street, and I look at everything with fascination. The entire place is enclosed with colour. I haven’t seen so many colours together at one time. I am taken aback by this display, yet intrigued with the openness. He parks at the corner of the street and we both get out. He’s walking ahead of me, leading the way. 

 

“Shit!” I hear him yell 

 

“What happened?” 

 

“ I walked into a fucking puddle, this is just fanfuckingtastic. These pants were new. I bought them just yesterday, they cost me a fortune.” 

 

I can’t help but laugh to myself; he deserved it after what he did to me. I see him crouched down inspecting the damage. He is rubbing at the stain, as though it’s miraculously gonna come off. I am about to lean down and help him, when someone bumps into me. I look up and see this person with an angry grin on his face. He’s relatively short with brown hair, he’s’ wearing some goofy looking outfit, that almost makes me tell him how ridiculous he looks. 

 

“Watch where you’re going asshole.” he said, looking me straight in the eyes. 

 

“You’re the one that bumped into me.” I react as quickly as I can. 

 

“Then try not standing in the middle of the street.” 

 

Before I can get another word out he’s already walking away. I see him turning around to get a second glance at me. I wonder what was up his ass. Casey has finally stopped fussing over his pants; he doesn’t even know what just happened. 

 

“Come on, it’s right there.” he said. 

 

As we walk in I could not help but notice everyone staring at Casey. I wasn’t surprised in the least, I knew he was probably every guys fantasy, just as much as he was every girls fantasy. However, what did surprise me was that I was being stared at as well. I didn’t know whether it was just because I was with Casey or because they were checking me out. 

 

“Case, why are they staring at me?” I’m standing as close to him as I possibly can; I can only imagine what I look like right now. 

 

“Because you’re a fine piece of ass, and I mean that literally. Your rear end attracts attention, and don’t tell me you didn’t know that was your favourable asset.” 

 

I can’t believe he just said that. I turn around to stare at my ass; there’s nothing attractive about it to me. I feel my cheeks getting red at this revelation. 

 

“Don’t be embarrassed, flaunt it when you have it. I’d give anything to have that rear.” I look at him, his eyes are on my ass. 

 

“Stop talking about my ass like it’s an object, I’m right here. By the way, I remember you saying you were not going to take me to a gay place. Did you suddenly change our mind?” 

 

“I did huh. Well what I mean was that I wasn’t going to take you to a full fletched gay place, this is not so bad.” 

 

“Right.” I sigh, running my fingers through my hair. 

 

“What are you so afraid of huh, are you afraid someone gonna pick you up and turn you into a homosexual? Relax!! No ones going to lay a hand on you while I’m here.” 

 

I smile at him for being protective, but know he’s no fighter; he would probably give up instantly, and get injured for the sake of looking like some hero. 

 

We seat ourselves and look around the place. It’s cosy, not the most high class place I’ve ever been to, but there is something about it that makes it inviting. The owner seems to have put their personal touch to the entire place. There are bits and pieces of different things on display everything has a unique touch, even the benches are out done with colour. 

 

I see a woman approaching us; she has the biggest smile on her face. She comes to our table and looks at Casey. 

 

“Hi honey, good to see you again, who’s this cute friend of yours? He seems to be getting all the attention.” 

 

I’m blushing as much as I try to stop myself. 

 

“This is Justin, he’s a friend of mine.” I say hi, and outstretch my hand to greet her. She tells me her name is Debbie. I already find myself liking her. 

 

“Well Justin you should come in here more often. I think it will help me with business. How old are you boys?” 

 

“I’m 18, Justin’s 17 and we both go to St. James.” 

 

“Well you both are cute as buttons.” 

 

“Thank you.” I say. I look over at Casey gesturing him to say the same, but he looks away. 

 

We both order the same thing, the so-called burger that brought me here in the first place. 

 

I hear a chime go off; I look towards the door, and see the same jerk from earlier walk in. He’s accompanied by a group of boys. One seems to be the same height as him, the other stood out the most, as is wearing a pink feathery thing around his neck, and I couldn’t help but stare in astonishment at his bravery. The last guy that walked in was tall, very tall, he has light chestnut hair, that seems to fall perfectly on his head, he has the most perfect nose, and lips. His clothes fit perfectly on him; at that point, I wished I had my sketchbook to take down his shape, as it was one of the most perfect sights I had ever seen. I am suddenly brought back to reality when I see him staring at me. His gaze is intense and I find myself lowering my head. I silently curse myself for thinking that way, for letting my body react the way it was reacting this very minute. 

 

I find myself looking at him again, only this time, I see his hands around the jerks neck, he’s whispering something into his ear, and then they are both staring at me. The jerk is nodding his head in disapproval while the other guy continues to stare at me. 

 

Debbie brings our food over, and I take this opportunity to ask her who that guy was. I tell her what happened earlier, she smiles, but quickly revels to me that the jerk is her son. I ask about the other guy, and am about to point to him but to my dismay he had already left. 

 

“If you’re referring to the guy you saw close to Mikey, then that was Brian. He and my son and best friends, they pretty much grew up together. He’s a nice boy, he’s had a rough time but he’s made it.” 

 

“Oh.” I say in disappointment, I don’t know why I am disappointed, but I feel myself wanting to leave. 

 

I guess I just didn’t like the idea of him and that jerk Michael being friends. I don’t know why I was reacting this way, but it was definitely a feeling of discomfort. 

 

I look at Casey and see he’s already stuffing his face with the burger. 

 

“Can you believe that lady remembered my name? I’ve been here once, only once and she knows me. That’s some freaky shit.” he continues to rant on about Debbie, while I nod my head, not really interested in what he’s saying. 

 

“Can we leave now?” I ask. 

 

“Do you like it here?” 

 

“Yeah, it ok.” 

 

“Will you come here with me again?” 

 

“Yes.” 

 

“You won’t freak out?” 

 

“No.” I answer. 

 

I ask him to drop me home, he asked if I wanted to stay over at his place, but I refused. I was just not feeling up to it. I wasn’t feeling up to anything. I started contemplating the way I reacted earlier. I was having second thoughts about my sexuality. Everything was spinning in my head and I was a nervous wreck. 

 

 

There are days when I can hardly make it out of bed. I find that speaking takes up more effort that I can handle. My entire body gets numb, it takes me forever to get to the bathroom, and when I do, those steps seem like major accomplishments. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I focus on taking the cap off the toothpaste and trying to get the brush up to my mouth. Even lifting the brush seems like a task. Last night I could not get an ounce of sleep with my mind refusing me any rest. I had a million unanswered questions, and they were all about me. I feel like I am without worth, that nothing I do at this point is of any value, nothing I say to myself is true. Nothing my parents say to me is true. 

 

I finally finish washing up and make my way down the stairs. I don’t bother changing into any clothes, I still have my boxers on. They have shrunk, and fit tight against my ass, but I refuse to throw them away. I like the way my old clothes fit. They are comfortable. I am finally at the bottom of the stairs; I pass the living room to make my way to the kitchen, when I hear my mother call me. 

 

“Justin can you come in here for a sec?” 

 

I hear her from the living room, so I make my way there. I walk into the room and find myself shocked beyond words, and at that point my cheeks probably turned ten different shades of red. 

 

“Justin you could have at least changed into some pants.” 

 

I look down and for the first time I felt naked, because right in front of me is the same guy I saw last night. The same guy that had my attention, the same guy that made me question my sexuality. 

 

“Justin this is Brian Kinney, Brian this is my son Justin.” 

 

I look over at him, and am sure he is just as surprised as I am. 

 

“Justin, he’s going to be your tutor.” 

 

I have suddenly dismissed the fact that I am in my boxers and focus my attention on my mom. She just said that he was my tutor. Why the fuck would I need a tutor? I never asked for one. I find myself getting angrier by the second. 

 

“Who said I needed a tutor? I don’t need one.” I am yelling at the top of my voice. 

 

“Your dad and I attended the parent teacher meeting last week. We spoke to some of your teachers, they informed us that you were slipping behind on some of your assignments. They were surprised to see a change in your academics. Justin you are one of the top students, why are you falling back? Your dad and I thought that it was best if you got some help.” 

 

“You did huh? First of all, why the fuck didn’t you tell me you were going to the meeting? Secondly, why didn’t you consult me before you got me a tutor?” 

 

“Justin!! Mind your language, you’re hanging around with Casey too much. That child is a bad influence.” 

 

“Don’t bring Casey into this. He has nothing to do with it, maybe you guys should blame yourselves.” 

 

We both continue to argue, not realizing that Brian was still seated in the room. My mother apologizes for my behaviour. 

 

“Do you want me to leave the two of you alone?” he said, while looking at me than at her. 

 

“No Brian please stay.” she said. 

 

“You know what. Fine, Brian you can be my tutor, if that’s what my parents so desperately want. If they think this will solve all their problems, then I will abide by their rules, like I do for every other thing. I’m going to go up and change. I’ll be down in a sec.” 

 

I look his way one last time and make my way upstairs, still angry and shocked at how this day turned out. And how it will continue for here on out.


	3. My Tutor

Thank's Juliet, your great.

* * *

I quickly change into a blue t-shirt; it’s a bit huge on me but the colour complements my skin tone perfectly, right in the middle it reads COOL as FCUK. They are one of my favourite brands. I put on some old jeans that are torn in several places; my parents have begged me on countless occasions, trying every possible tactic to do away with them, but I am just as attached to it, as they are of freeing me of them. 

 

There is nothing better than a good washed out, tattered pair of jeans. I make a quick stop in front of the mirror, glancing at my hair; it’s gotten long and constantly falls into my eyes. This has caused me some minor injuries in the past, not knowing where I am walking, bumping into other students, who make it their personal initiative to bark at me any chance they get. I make a mental note of getting a haircut sometime this week. I take some gel and squirt it into my hand bringing the clammy liquid through my hair, sweeping my gold locks behind, then swiftly make my way downstairs. 

 

Mom and Dad are still talking to him, they are probably drilling him with a gazillion question about his life as well as filling his brain with mindless information about me, what he should and should not let me do. Why I act the way I do, why has he taken this job? I step into the room, and the three of them instantaneously have their eyes on me. 

 

“Justin, your Dad and I were about to leave, we asked Brian to stay a bit longer so you can get to know each other. I think it’s best if the two of you interact today, get a bit more comfortable before he gets started tomorrow.” I look at their faces, and see how spirited they are, and it annoys me. 

 

Prior to leaving, they pull me aside and ask me to behave myself, telling me not to get into any trouble, saying it with an added force as though I were ten years old and would burn the house down in their absence. 

 

“Whatever.” I answer in irritation. Mom picks up her jacket, gives me a quick kiss and they are both out the door. 

 

Brian and I are left alone in the room; I see he’s standing to the far corner, looking around the place. I let out a quiet grunt, letting him know that I am still standing in the room. 

 

“So,” he says. 

 

“So,” I reply, I’m already beginning to feel uncomfortable, and we’ve said less than a word to each other. 

 

“Do you want to sit down, or are we going to do this standing, I opt for sitting down.” he’s looking at me, already making his way to the couch. 

 

“Yeah, we can sit.” I stutter 

 

“So Justin, what do I need to know about you?” 

 

“How old are you?” I bark out, not letting him finish the rest of his sentence. 

 

I look at him, I see he’s a bit surprised, his eyebrows are raised, he has a wide grin on his face. 

 

“Is this crucial for you to know?” he asks 

 

“No, but it would make me feel better if I knew.” I’m waiting for him give me a third degree reply, I knew I was pushing my luck with him, but surprisingly he answers. 

 

“I’m 24, I recently graduated from college, I work part-time at an advertising agency, it’s an insignificant job, but I am learning a lot. One day I hope to open my own advertising firm. I took this job, because I needed the extra money.” 

 

“Hmm, interesting, must be tough on you; handling two jobs.” is all I manage to let out. 

 

“Was that enough information for you?” he asks while shifting his position on the sofa. 

 

“Yes.” I answer 

 

“I guess it’s my turn now, I’d like to finish my sentence without any interruptions.” 

 

“I promise I won’t interrupt” I tell him, with a smile on my face. 

 

“What are your plans for the future? Do you have any particular interests?” 

 

“I’d like to be a well known artist some day, I love to draw, and paint.” I answer with confidence. 

 

“Hmm.” his voice echoes through the room. 

 

“Just hmm, don’t you have anything else to say?” I ask a bit upset. 

 

“I think only overblown pretentious people are painters.” 

 

“Really, and how many painters do you know?” I ask, now I’m really angry. 

 

“None.” 

 

“Then what makes you so quick to judge?” I say fiercely. 

 

“Just my opinion.” How the hell can he be so atrocious, I think to myself, “just my opinion.”, that’s his brilliant answer, he shouldn’t be allowed to have an opinion if he’s going to be so fucking vague and obnoxious. 

 

I am fuming at this point, I can’t believe this guy, and he’s completely cocky, he comes in here proclaiming to be a tutor, when all this is to him is just a quick way to make money. 

 

“For your information, you should know that I don’t really need a tutor, I am perfectly capable of doing my own work, the only reason I am falling behind is because of personal reasons and all of them involve my parents. Only they are too self involved to know any better. So if you think I am some stupid kid who is out of control, you should think again, and stop treating me like one.” I think my face is all shades of red, all that came out so quickly, and I felt I could continue for hours, it was a burst of unexpected energy generated by my anger. 

 

“Why don’t you tell them all this, why are you telling me?” he asks. 

 

“It’s none of your business what I tell them, you don’t know anything about me or about them.” 

 

“Sure, whatever, I never asked.” 

 

“I think we have gotten to know each other enough.” I say, with a bit of annoyance in my voice. I get up and make my way to the door, knowing he’ll follow me. 

 

“Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, make sure you have all your books ready to go.” he picks up his bag and makes his way out. I slam the door a bit harshly making sure he hears it. 

 

~~~~~ 

 

That evening Mom and Dad asked me how it went with Brian; they asked if I liked him, if I thought he was qualified for the job. I wanted to ask them why the fuck they cared what I thought; because if they did they would have asked me before they even accepted him, before they even went to the meeting at my school. I don’t even bother answering them and just nod my head, quickly excusing myself from the table, making my way to my room. I close the door, and silently listen to them yell at each other downstairs. They do this every single night, unaware that these walls are not thick enough to block their yelling. I cover my ears with the pillow, but it’s no use I can still hear them. I slowly begin to fall asleep, bringing my hands to my face, wiping away the few tears that have managed to escape. 

 

~~~~~~ 

 

I watch the clock, knowing Brian’s about to come knocking any second, I was not looking forward to this day. I know I am going to be counting the seconds before it’s done. 

 

At exactly 6oclock, I hear a knock at the door, I know who it is, so I wait a bit longer making him wait, seeing how long he’ll continue to knock. Annoyingly, he continues to knock and knock, somehow knowing I am playing this game with him. After awhile the knocking begins to get on my nerves, and I give in, walking to the door and swiftly opening it. There he is standing looking a bit upset. 

 

“What took you so long?” he asks. 

 

“I was in the bathroom.” I answer, trying to hold back a laugh. 

 

“Right.” he says harshly, knowing well enough that I was lying. 

 

As we make our way to the table, we instantly begin. He’s going through everything I do. First we begin with my science homework. I’m currently studying the essentials of Physical Anthropology, and it surprises me to see how much Brian knows about Primates and their inhabitants. Even more surprising, he knows the entire primate taxonomy as well as the human skeletal anatomy, naming every single bone and ligaments in the body, I am more than impressed by his wide range of knowledge. We continue with Geography, then English, Math, and History. 

 

After about two hours of extensive learning and I mean extensive, because he doesn’t give me a moment’s rest, I feel my stomach give an anxious lurch. 

 

“Excuse me Brian.” I say in my most relaxed voice. 

 

“Don’t you think we’ve done enough for today? I’m a little beat.” I give him a friendly smile hoping he disregards my earlier behaviour. 

 

“Another half an hour and well be done, it’s how long I have you for the day.” he replied giving me a serious glance. 

 

“Well I’ve finished all my homework, we’ve gone through everything. I don’t see why you’re wasting your time, as much as you’re wasting mine.” I tell him, repeatedly hitting my leg against the side of the table. 

 

“Look Justin, I know you don’t like this, hell I don’t like it either, but it’s paying me money, I need this money, your parents and I have an agreement and I’m sticking to it weather you like it or not.” he says while waving his pencil at me. 

 

“This is fucked up, when I agreed to do this; I didn’t think you would hold me down to the last fucking second. Have some pity on me, and I’m sure you have somewhere better to be than here.” Right now, I’m fuming, my face is hot, and I can feel blood rushing through my ears. 

 

“No, I don’t feel any pity for you, you’re in this situation because of yourself, you put yourself in this predicament. Your parents want the best for you, be grateful you even have parents that care for your future. As for your other question, it’s none of your business, I may have places to go, but it can wait until this is done.” He says strongly, still swaying his pencil in the air, as though it enhances his feeling of authority. 

 

“Fuck.” I echo silently. 

 

We both sit silently, his face is in one of the books. I don’t get another reaction from him. He’s going to pay I think to myself. 

 

“Brian, can I be excused for a second?” I ask politely. 

 

“Where are you going?” 

 

“I’m just getting a drink, my throats all dry, would you like me to grab you one?” 

 

“Sure.” he says, while stretching his arms. 

 

I make my way into the kitchen scheming up a plan; he is definitely going to pay for doing this. I open the fridge and grab two cokes making sure I shake one as much as possible. Now I just have to remember to give him the well-shuddered one. 

 

I return to the room and plant the can firmly in the middle of the table. He reaches for the ring, as I watch silently with a grin on my face, knowing exactly what is going to happen next. He pulls it with an eager smile, snapping the metal back, and right there solid black liquid erupts like a volcano, the liquid explodes in a swish, drenching all the papers in front of him, splattering all over his shirt on his face, it even gets into his hair. 

 

“Fuck!” he yells, immediately standing up. He reaches for the Kleenex, swiftly dabbing at his shirt, while I sit back and marvel at my genius plan. I’m laughing now; he catches me and realizes what I’ve done. 

 

“Get up!” he shouts. 

 

“What for?” I say calmly. 

 

“Get the fuck up NOW, you’re going to wash this shirt, then dry it and give it back to me.” he looks even taller right now, with his shoulders firmly in place, and his chest moving in and out quite rapidly. 

 

“No way.” I say, I don’t have to do what he says, who the fuck does he think he is? 

 

“That’s what you think, if you don’t want your parents finding out about this incident, you’ll do it.” 

 

“I’m not fucking two years old, I’m not afraid of them, go right ahead and tell them. Infact, I’ll tell them myself.” I say securely, feeling librated at my confidence. 

 

“Is that so, what do you think they will do when they find out? I’ll suggest they increase your tutoring hours as punishment. Better yet, I’ll suggest you take summer school. Who do you think they’ll listen to, the adult or the child?” 

 

“You wouldn’t do that?” I question him, hoping he says no. 

 

“Watch me.” and I know he has definite intensions of doing so. 

 

“Fine. Fuck, I hate you.” I say spitting out the words with force. 

 

“The feelings mutual.” 

 

“Give me the shirt.” I ask extending my hand. 

 

I wait while he begins unbuttoning his shirt; he is going slowly, I believe he’s doing this intentionally to bother me, undoing one button at a time. I’m standing there like an idiot watching him until he finally undoes the last button. He removes the shirt, exposing his perfect chest; he’s well defined, with muscles in all the right places. My eyes begin to burn at the sight before me, and if they had rays, they’d be burning holes right through his skin. He has the most perfect tan; I suddenly want to run my hand over his skin. I instantly forget about everything else and continue to stare my heart thumping faster than usual. 

 

“Are you going to go anytime soon?” he says bringing me back to reality, I wonder if he caught me staring at him. 

 

“Erm… yeah” I manage to utter, my mind temporarily blank. 

 

I walk to the machine, throw in his shirt, taking a bit longer, not wanting to go back in there. What the fuck is happening to me, why can’t I focus, this is wrong. I begin to clean up a few things in the room, folding clothes lying around, trying to distract myself. After a while I hear him call me. 

 

“Justin are you coming back, you still have to get through a bit more.” 

 

I walk into the room and sit myself down with a loud thump. He is sitting directly in front of me. Some how this was not a problem earlier, now it’s just making me extremely uncomfortable. He’s shirtless, completely naked from the top. I try to keep my eyes in my books, but my brain refuses to cooperate with me. My eyes persist to wander off to him. I’m staring and staring, then I see his eyes on me. 

 

“What are you looking at?” he asks, a bit confused. 

 

“Nothing.” I say quietly. 

 

I will myself not to look up again, I silently ask myself what the hell I’m doing, I hate this guy, I don’t like him at all, then why am I doing this to myself. I look up at the clock; it has been over an hour his shirt must be done by now. I excuse myself go to the dryer pull out his shirt and bring it to him. 

 

He puts it on, as I continue to stare, seeing his perfect abs being covered, I find myself disappointed. His body is finally hidden from my yearning eyes. When he’s done buttoning, he begins to pack all his things, neatly placing everything in the right place. 

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, I hope this has taught you something. If you are going to act like a child, I’ll treat you like one. We are both professionals here, at least I believe you are, so why don’t we act like adults and work through this until we are done.” 

 

I nod my head in approval, walking him to the door. I watch him walking away, taking long strides, and then he made his way around the corner and out of my sight. 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

 

 

It’s 9 o’clock; I ‘m lying back in the bed, with my sketchbook resting on my lap. I look down and see Brian’s perfect form plastered across the pages. I’ve already drawn several pictures of him, in every possible position. I look through them again, seeing how I have captured his form from earlier, with his shirt off. Just thinking about him is making me hard. I feel my dick getting rigid by the second. I have to release some of the pressure because it’s beginning to throb, I pull it out of my pants and it falls. Big in my hand, I begin to stroke myself, I’m already leaking. Closing my eyes I picture him standing here right in front of me, with him doing the same. He has a massive hard-on; he brings his hand to his cock, and starts stroking himself moving with firm stroke, up and down. I do the same; we are both working at the same time. He’s running his other hand up and down his chest, bringing it over his hard biceps, and the flat ridge of his abdomen, then back down to his cock. Suddenly there’s a feeling in my balls, like I’ve awoken from a deep sleep, my entire body pulses with electrifying shock, I gasp for air as my cum spurts out in milky bursts. When I calm down from the temporary tremble my boy is experiencing, I quickly clean up, shower and immediately call Casey. 

 

~~~~~~~~ 

 

I try his house phone first, but get the answering machine. Then I try his cell; the answering machine goes off. 

 

“Yo, you’ve reached Case, I’m not here, leave a name, not a message, and l’ll see if I want to get back to you. Jus if it’s you, I’m at home right now, come over. Latez.” 

 

I smile knowing I’d hear that message. I quickly make my way to his house. 

 

He’s in the kitchen, munching on some crackers; I take a few from the bowl and tell him about my day. 

 

“My parents got me tutor, can you fucking believe their nerve?” 

 

“What’s he teaching you, the art of having sex, cause as far as I’m concerned that’s probably the only thing you need tutoring for, you’re a fucking genius, if anyone needs help it’s me.” he says, with a teasing grin. 

 

“I agree.” I say smiling at him. 

 

He throws a dirty cloth at me. 

 

“Hey, watch it.” I say patting my hair down. 

 

“So, how did it go?” 

 

“It was a disaster,” I answer, sighing, remembering the event of this evening. 

 

“Really, went that bad?” he’s munching away at the cracker, while drowning himself with coke, I see it’s flowing from the corners of his mouth, making it’s way down his throat. He brings his hand up and wipes it away. 

 

“I drenched him in coke, I did it intentionally, he was being a pain in the ass, he had the audacity to tell me what to do.” I can see Casey’s trying to come up with something positive to say, while trying to control his laughter. 

 

“Well, at least you got the worst out, you can’t fuck things up anymore from here on out, then next thing you know, he’ll be spanking your round little ass.” He’s still laughing, I hope he chokes on those crackers. 

 

“What do you think about Chris?” he suddenly asks. 

 

“What about him?” 

 

“I fucked him last night.” 

 

“You did?” I asked a bit surprised, I was always under the impression that he was straight. I never really liked the guy; there was something malicious about him. 

 

“The guy’s a hot bottom.” Casey’s glowing right now. 

 

“Everything you imagined it would be?” I ask, knowing it was his mission to get into Chris’s pants since forever. 

 

“Not really, I’ve had better, but it was what it was.” 

 

“I still think he’s straight, I don’t know, there’s something about him.” 

 

“Well after last night, I’m sure he won’t have a problem changing his mind.” Casey’s pretty confidant he did an unforgettable job, he’s over flowing with conceit. 

 

“Case there’s something I have to tell you.” I look at him, to se if I have his attention. 

 

“What?” he asks, blankly. 

 

I fumble for a while, not sure if I want to go through with it. I have a cracker in my hand, and see that I have shredded it into crumbly pieces. Casey is looking at me now, knowing something wrong. 

 

“What is it?” he asks again, this time I have his complete attention. 

 

“I think I might be gay.” I say as silently as possible, with my head lower. 

 

I look up and see Casey with his mouth wide open; I think the cracker might have fallen out of his mouth. I don’t know what is going through his mind right now. I wait in anticipating for his response.


	4. My Tutor

Thanks to my wonderful beta Juliet, i hope i dont trouble you too much. love ya.

* * *

I look up and see Casey’s face, and it seems I’ve startled him beyond words. I pick up the cracker and put it back into his mouth, and close his jaws. 

 

“Why the fuck are you so surprised? You kept telling me you knew I was gay all along, so why the hell is this so shocking to you? I thought you’d be the only one who saw this coming.” I say. 

 

“I did… but….but” he stutters, still staring at my face. 

 

“Unfuckingbelieveble.” I say, standing up, and begin walking up and down franticly. 

 

“I should have just shut my big fucking mouth. I should not have said a word to you. I thought you’d understand.” 

 

“Justin, calm down, I’m sorry, this is just a bit new to me.” he says, getting up from where he was seated, walking towards me. 

 

“What the hell are you talking about? How is it new to you? You knew all along, you were right from the beginning.” I tell him, fiddling with my belt. 

 

“I know I was, I always am, but I never really expected you to say it. You admitting it is new to me. I always thought you would stay in the closet, and I could continue bugging you about it, never did I expect you to come out. Fuck, I need a cigarette.” he says as he begins digging through his pocket, trying to find his pack. 

 

“Great, just great, now my life is ruined.” I say, pulling at my hair. 

 

“Calm down, you’re driving me crazy, stop moving for a second.” He comes over to where I’m standing and holds on to my shoulders, looking me in the eyes. 

 

“You’re life is not ruined you genius. You don’t have a fucking disease, it’s is not going to kill you, you’re a lunatic. This is the beginning of your new life, and I’ll be the one to reveal it to you, just as soon as it settles into my skull.” he says confidently. 

 

I breathe in and out, with heavy fast gasps, tapping my fingers on the counter. There are numerous things going through my head right now. The possibility of my parents discovering this. Casey accidentally spilling something out to one of his neighbours, who in turn would talk to someone else, and the news finally reaching my parents. It’s surprising I haven’t lost consciousness by now. 

 

“Come on,” I hear Casey say, he’s making his way to the fridge, and removes a bottle of water. I gesture him to pass me one as well. 

 

“Where are we going?” I ask, not really wanting to leave the quarters of this house, I feel safe here. 

 

“I’m going to expose you to some gay culture.” he says enthusiastically. 

 

“I don’t think it’s the right time.” I say taking a seat. 

 

“Why the hell not? Are you going to wait for another 20 years to get out there and meet people? Have some fun.” 

 

I sign, knowing Casey’s right, it took long enough for me to come out, now I want to hide again. I have to do this; it’s now or never. 

 

“Fine, but promise you won’t leave me?” I ask. 

 

“ I won’t, I promise.” he says crossing his heart. 

 

“Hold on, let me tell Nona were leaving” he walks to the living room, and searches for her. Nona is one of the house cleaners; she’s older than the rest. Casey thinks of her as his grandmother, he listens to her at times. He likes her around because she’s affectionate towards him, offering a kind of love that his mindless tricks don’t offer him. 

 

“Nona, I’m leaving.” he yells, but he doesn’t get a response. 

 

“NONA!” he yells again. 

 

“Christ where is she?” 

 

He walks into the other living room, I do not know why it’s there, it serves no purpose, and nobody ever uses it. I walk right behind him and we see Nona lying on the chair. She’s a bit still for someone who might be sleeping, were not sure what to do. 

 

“Go see if she’s sleeping.” Casey tells me, giving me a little push her way. 

 

“No you go.” I say, pushing him back. 

 

“Come on, just tap her.” 

 

“Case, this is your house, she’s your housekeeper.” 

 

“Fine.” he makes his way to her, and taps at her shoulder while standing two feet away. He’s stretching as far as he possibly can; if he goes any further; he’ll fall flat on the floor. 

 

“Nona?” she doesn’t reply. 

 

“Nona?” he moves a little closer and shakes her aggressively. She wakes up with a jolt. 

 

“What, what?” she screams. 

 

I start laughing uncontrollably, seeing Casey fall back on the floor; her sudden awakening startled him. 

 

“It’s just me Nona, relax.” he tells her. 

 

“Casey you will be the death of me someday.” she tells him, reaching out her hand to help lift him up. 

 

“We’re going out, so don’t get worried if I’m not home early.” 

 

“Ok, don’t get into trouble, Justin watch over him.” she says looking at me. I give her a smile and nod. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

 

“Get out.” 

 

“Where are we?” I ask. 

 

“If you leave the car, you’ll find out.” 

 

I look around the place, and am astonished to see countless amount of men, holding hands, making out on corners of the street. I cannot take my eyes of this sight; it’s absolutely mind-boggling. I step out of the car make a 360 turn, taking in everything. To the corner I see two guys, or are they women, I cant quite tell. They are walking my way, and when they finally get close enough, I see that they are men in drag. One is dressed in tight fitting pants that are pink in colour, with glitter all over; he’s got on matching hat, gloves and shoes. The other has on a dress that is clearly a few sizes smaller than his body can hold, I suppose that’s the reason he wore it. They walk right past me, and I continue to stare and stare that my eyes are probably open so wide, cause I feel them burn, I have to remember to blink. 

 

Casey hits me hard on the head. 

 

“Would you quit staring at them like they are aliens.” 

 

“I wasn’t staring, I was jut marvelling at the prospect of them having enough courage to actually be walking down the street like that. Could you ever imagine me in drag?” I ask. 

 

“No, and I wouldn’t like to.” he says pushing his hair back. 

 

“I cant believe this, is this where gay people come?” 

 

“No, this is where they hide out, from all the others.” he says, smiling at me. 

 

“Quit mocking me, it’s just a little much, I wasn’t expecting all this.” 

 

“What were you expecting?” he asks. 

 

“I don’t know, I guess just what I see on an everyday basis.” 

 

“What!! Stuck up people walking around not caring about a fucking thing in the world. Pretentious bastards.” 

 

“Much like yourself.” I tell him, folding my arms together. 

 

“I’m not pretentious, I just give them a taste of their own medicine.” He says while moving towards a place that has huge sign reading Babylon. 

 

“What is this place?” I ask, a bit hesitant to go in. 

 

“This my friend is Babylon, get used to it, I’ll be bringing you here a lot.” 

 

“Is this where you go at night?” I ask. 

 

“Yes.” 

 

“How come you never mentioned it to me?” I say a bit saddened. 

 

“Have you ever wanted to know about my homosexual life? If you ever asked I’d tell you. I just didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.” 

 

“Hmm.” I say, a little disappointed to be excluded from this part of Casey’s life for so long. 

 

He walks up to who I’m guessing is the bouncer. He’s big guy, four times the size of me. Casey slowly puts some money into his hands, and looks my way, the bouncer looks my way as well, and gives me a smile, looking up and down my body. I feel a bit violated by his gaze, and quickly walk beside Casey. 

 

“Come on, I got you in.” 

 

As we step in I am attached with lasers of light, beating against all the walls, bouncing off everything. There are men in Speedos dancing high atop the rest of the crowd. There are men groping each other on the dance floor, they are all around me. As we make our way through the mass, a number of them grab my ass, but the minute I turn around, I don’t know who did it, cause they are all staring at me. 

 

Casey makes his way to the bar, and I follow him, while trying to dodge myself through all the naked men. 

 

I direct my attention back to the dance floor, and that’s when I see him. Surrounded by at least five men, one of them is grinding against his ass, the other is down on his knees, and I can only imagine what he’s doing, another has his tongue down his throat, and the rest of them are just waiting around, attempting to get through. I continue to stare, imagining what it would feel like to kiss him, wishing I were out there right now. 

 

“What the fuck is he doing here?” I say out loud. 

 

“Who?” Casey asks. 

 

“Him.” 

 

“There are over a hundred men in here, wanna be more specific?” he says raising his brows. 

 

“My tutor for fucks sake, he’s right there, in the middle, the one with the black shirt, and the five men groping him.” I tell Casey, while pointing at his direction. 

 

“That’s your tutor?” 

 

“I’m pretty sure it is; unless he has a fucking twin, I’m sure my minds not playing tricks on me.” 

 

“Well!! Well! He’s a piece of fine ass.” Casey says, staring Brain down. 

 

“Case don’t you dare.” I say. 

 

“Why not? You want him?” 

 

“NO!” it comes out faster than I had wanted it to. 

 

“Then why waste what is there for me to take?” 

 

“What if he refuses?” I ask, hoping Casey will lose interest in Brian. 

 

“Do you think he’ll let me fuck him for some cash?” 

 

“No, are you out of your fucking mind?” I say, looking angrily at him. 

 

“I was just asking, why the fuck are you so mad?” he says, looking quizzically at me. 

 

“I’m not.” I say, looking back at the dance floor. I don’t see Brian there anymore. Where the hell did he go. 

 

I bring my attention back to Casey, and see he’s looking at something behind my shoulder, then I feel someone tap me. Turning around I see Brian standing close beside me. 

 

“What are you doing here?” he asks. 

 

“I could ask you the same question.” I say. 

 

“It’s a club, I’m dancing, having a good time, as for you.. I never really thought this was your scene; do your parents know you’re here?” 

 

“I don’t need a babysitter, I could care less what they think. However I should be asking you the same question; do my parents know you’re gay, cause if they did I’m sure they never would have given you the job.” I say, leaning in towards him. 

 

“You’re parents don’t need to know about my personal life, I had all the qualifications for the job, anything else was not of their interest.” he says, gulping down the alcohol in his hand. 

 

“Wanna dance?” Casey pushes past me, as he leans closely towards Brian. 

 

“Sure.” Brian replies, looking Casey up and down. 

 

The two of them make their way to the dance floor, while I am left standing alone at the bar, with a bunch of men I don’t even know. 

 

The bartender places a vodka tonic in front of me and gives me a warm smile. “Cheer up.” he says, “It can’t be that bad.” 

 

“Thanks.” I say appreciatively taking a big gulp. 

 

The alcohol smell is on my fingers, cold and remote, kind of like what I’m feeling at this very minute. I take a second gulp and fell the liquid go down my throat piercing it’s way through. I look at my glass and see that I’ve finished it in two gulps, I gesture the bartender to bring me another, within a second he sends it sliding down the counter. I pick it up, whiff the invigorating smell, and drink it in one continuous swig. 

 

I look over at Casey and Brian, they are kissing, right in front of me. I don’t want to see this, I look away, but my eyes bring me back to them. Casey has his arms around Brian’s neck. Casey’s a bit shorter, they look like a million dollar couple, and I can’t stand it. I can’t believe I’m actually jealous, I don’t even know anything about him and I’m jealous. It’s Casey for fuck sake, why the hell am I doing this? Is this some kind of madness? I ask myself. Is this wrong? I don’t care, let it be wrong I cannot resists this any longer. 

 

After a few more drinks I am unaware of anything around me, I realize I have been talking to some stranger for the longest time. My mouth had been spewing out everything uncontrollably. 

 

“There’s a part of me that wants a massive wonderful romance. I want mind-blowing passion. Have you ever had that kind of love?” I ask him 

 

“I want to be swept off my feet, I want something exciting to happen to me. You know I’m gay, I didn’t know that for a long time, I was hiding it from myself. I have even hid it form my parents. Do your parents know?” 

 

“Yes.” I hear him reply, although I can’t quite make out a word he’s saying everything is spinning around me. 

 

“Sometimes I feel as if there is this whole new, stimulating life waiting for me, if only I could find it.” 

 

“Isn’t this it?” he says. 

 

“Yes this is one of them. But there is something bigger.” I say, trying to stand still. 

 

“Do you see those guys there?” I say pointing at Brian and Casey. 

 

“Yes.” 

 

“That’s my best friend, I love him, and the guy he’s dancing with, he’s my tutor. I think I like him… a lot, he doesn’t know it though. He doesn’t like me very much.” I say trying to hold back tears in my eyes. 

 

“You think you like him?” the guy asks, “You don’t know for sure.” 

 

“I do like him.” There I said it. 

 

“Ted.” someone interrupts. Who’s Ted I wonder. 

 

“Mikey, come here, meet this guy, his name is…” I look at him. I believe his name’s Ted; he’s waiting for my name. 

 

“Justin.” I say 

 

“Michael, this is Justin, Justin Michael.” 

 

“Hold on a sec, I remember you.” Michael says, looking closely at me. 

 

“You’re the jerk from the street, Ted what the fuck are you doing talking to him?” 

 

I look at both Ted and Michael as though for the first time and it strikes me, that they both know Brian, and I have been babbling all this time to a complete stranger; not just any stranger, one that happens to know Brian. I bring my hand up to my face, and hold on. 

 

“Let’s go Ted.” Michael says, while tugging at his arm. 

 

“Hold on, I’ll be there in a sec.” he says, bringing his attention back to me. 

 

“Look, please don’t mention anything I said to Brian or Michael.” I say, almost pleading. 

 

“Don’t worry, you’re secret’s safe with me.” he says, giving me a quick wink. 

 

I smile back at him and see him walk away. 

 

I stand by the bar for a few more minutes, realizing that I haven’t been paying attention to where Casey or Brian went; they are not on the dance floor. I continue to look around, spinning my head so fast it will probably cause a sprain. He did not leave me, I think, he promised he wouldn’t. I feel someone close behind my back; I turn around and see a guy looking down at me. He’s good looking, he asks if I want to go to the backroom. I don’t really know what the backroom is, but at this very second, I am feeling so lonely, that I accept his offer, not thinking about anything else. 

 

The guy leads me down a narrow path, into a very dark room. As we make our way further in, my jaws drop open. There are men fucking each other, in every position there possibly could. The place smelled of cum, watching these men fuck each other was making me hard by the second. 

 

The guy finally stops walking, pulls me against him. 

 

“Here is fine.” he says, leaning me back against the wall. 

 

He starts kissing me, slowly, then with a bit more aggression. I have never kissed another guy before, with the exception of Casey, but this was different, I wanted this, the guy slips his tongue into my mouth, and continues to devour me. He then looks up and me and asks me to turn around. I’m a bit hesitant at first. I’ve never fucked a guy before, nor has one fuck me. I am nervous. I look up at him and tell him to go slow. 

 

“Why?” he asks. 

 

“I’ve never done this before.” I say slowly, not wanting anyone else to hear. 

 

I look up and see the guy a bit astonished; he’s smiling, licking his lips. 

 

“Ok, I’ll be easy on you.” he says, bringing my pants down to my knees. 

 

I think he’s going to slip his dick right in, but he doesn’t. I feel his mouth on my cock, he starts sucking me in slow motion, and then he picks up the pace, moving back and forth. I feel my body clench, I know I’m going to cum any second, and then in one explosion, I let it all out, into his mouth. 

 

The guy gets up, turns me around. I feel his fingers slide into my hole, a cool liquid invading my space, he rubs it in and out, then I hear him tear a wrapper, looking behind I see him slip the rubber onto his dick. Not giving me a chance to adjust, he slips his dick in, as I silently wince in pain. A tear slips from my eyes, as this stranger pounds inside me. I wished my first time would be with Brian, but it’s not going to happen, I am left alone, to loose my virginity to a total stranger. How could Casey leave me, how could Brian not see I care about him, how could my life be so fucked. All this keeps spinning through my mind, as the guy continues to push into me.


End file.
